I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize