Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
