u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
