Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Soap is not a condiment
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
