Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
