Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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