I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
