Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize