my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
