Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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