did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
