and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
