Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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