my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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