No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
