Don't make out with my wife yet
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
