Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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