You smell like stripper and shame
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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