I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
