No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
