Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize