Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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