I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
