Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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