I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
