i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
