I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
