I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
