I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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