You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
