Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize