it wasn't lemon gatorade
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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