You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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