I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
