I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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