if i can run in heels then i can drive
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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