i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
