I am puke
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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