u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
