He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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