I must be too annoying 4 u.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
