Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
