They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
