Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
