I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
