Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
