Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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