Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
