Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
