Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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