I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
