i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize