Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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