; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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