I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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