last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
