i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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