So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize