the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
