I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We need a shit load of segways right now
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
