you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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