Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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