Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
