can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
