i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
