I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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