i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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