Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
