Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
ttyl tear gas
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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