Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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