We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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