I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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