I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
