I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
not ubering you a puppy
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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