She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
