I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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