don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
