I'm jealous of your bromance
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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