Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
