u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
