you guys were way drunker than both of me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
