Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize