How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
