Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All the doctor said was why
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
