Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
