You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
