Already got asked if we're dating
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
