he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
