i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
