OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize