So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
