So drunk, too bad you don't want this
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
