I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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