His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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