Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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