question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
