No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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