So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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