took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
