you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Everyone says I win the strip club
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
