I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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